The duality of India

We have lived in Bangalore, India for the past year. Some daily observations lead to this article. There are a few dualities that I have observed and tried to make some sense of for my own sanity.

One, the duality of politeness. It has even been debated in the media here. More so for Mumbai than Bangalore, but can be applied to India overall. The image of Indians is that they are very polite. And in many ways, there is no doubt about it. If you are a client or if you are visiting a 4 or 5 star hotel, you definitely get the 5 star politeness treatment.

However, if you go through the daily routines, you quickly notice that there is an aura of the opposite of politeness. In supermarket lines, people cutting in from all sides, is a perfect example. People just move in as if you don't even exist. They don't care how long the other person has been standing in line. As long as they can get in first, that's what counts. This is not a once in a while experience. This is a normal experience. This goes on at any public lines. Airport security lines, bank lines, car rental, etc.. are no exceptions.

One prime example of this "rude" behavior I want to discuss, but first let me make it clear this is rude only in my eyes, having been used to the life in America. Seems it's not all that rude or impolite here for the locals. Not only are they use to it, they also have to practice it to survive. The reason I say it's only rude to me is this example I want discuss which is the traffic behavior.

There are traffic rules, and lane lines, but nobody follows them. All intersections where there is no police direction are complete gridlock. I will have more about the traffic and driving habits in a different article. But, suffice it to say, the attitude seems very selfish, where everyone tries to get ahead of everyone else. At times, it seems very efficient, but mostly its' very dangerous.

Two, the duality of respecting life, more specifically women's life. Women are worshipped as gods. Mothers are very highly respected in family life. Yet, here is the duality of this. The rate of abortion of female fetuses is still very high. In the old days, the argument was that boys were more desirable to the farming families and for helping and continuing the farming tradition. So the girls, being a burden in that sense, were rejected and aborted. However, now it's not just the poor or farm families. It's the educated and the professionals and even the well to do that have the abortions performed on female fetuses. This has been the subject of debate in the media extensively. Even though it's illegal to abort for sex selections, it goes on daily here. Millions of girls have been killed this way, and yet actual court cases are less than a handful. Needless to say, this sex selection practice in favor of boys continues. Recent articles here and here document some of this. This record is pathetically alarming, amounts to female genocide and goes against any religious teachings.

Once born, the girls then have to bear the burden of dowry. This really becomes a family burden once a girl is born to the day she is married off. In some cases, the atrocity continues even years after the wedding. Married girls are pressured and even beaten to get their side of the families to pay more. Again, this is not just something practiced by the poor or the poorly educated. It is embedded throughout the culture. Dowry is also illegal now. However, the law is totally ignored by most. It almost becomes an honor to receive big dowry or to give big dowry if you can. However, to many it remains a big financial burden for the girls' family. Not just some token money amount is expected. Requests for cars, refrigerators, and other big ticket items are not that uncommon. In some cases the after marriage stress has led to the tragedy of suicides. I say in some cases, since the rate of that occurrence is low, but to hear about it so often is still alarming and disheartening.

There are other examples of this duality nature, but I don't want to make this too long. Are there any explanations for this? Not sure. Are they being selfish? Yes. Are they just following the culture that permeates in the society? Most probably. But if India expects to be part of the larger global community, as it is starting in the IT industry, then I believe, Indians must rise and reject the behaviors that are destructive to individuals, family life, and society. To practice and live by the projected image is a difficult task, but something that is absolutely necessary in this day and age.